When I first got on ‘the path’ in 2003, I was out of touch with what I would class as my true essence. I felt disconnected, powerless and I didn’t know why my life was the way that it was.
The pain that I was in made me look for answers; I needed to find a way to change my life. I didn’t know how I was going to do this, though; I just knew that I had to do something about what was going on.
A Miserable Existence
I was healthy, I had friends, somewhere to live and food on the table, yet I didn’t feel as though I had an effect on my life or know what I was going to do with my life. To say that I felt lost would be an understatement.
I read numerous books and ended up working with a healer in 2007. As the years passed, I ended up working with numerous other healers and took different courses, and each time I hoped that my life would be transformed.
Ultimately, I believed that I was missing something and once I was able to attain it, my life would finally change. This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t ever told that this wasn’t the case and what I was looking for was actually inside me.
Even so, due to what was going on for me, it wasn’t possible for me to actually hear what I was being told and to feel it at the core of my being. What was stopping this from taking place was all of the ‘stuff’ that wasn’t me.
When I was working with a healer a number of years ago, he said that the reason we were doing the work that we were doing was to let go of what was not me, so that I could connect to the truth of who I was. It was then the not about adding anything, it was about letting go of what wasn’t the truth.
Intellectually, this was something that I already knew, but when I heard it this time something clicked at an emotional level. Still, it wasn’t until a little while after that that what I heard went in even deeper, which caused me to feel different and to have a cascade of new insights.
It Made Sense
I would say that the reason that this made more sense at an emotional level and not just at an intellectual level was because of the growth that I had experienced. I got an even clearer sense that I didn’t need anything to feel connected or powerful as this was my true nature.
In the main, what had caused me to feel so disconnected and powerless was the trauma that I experienced during my early years. And trying to change how I felt in order to feel connected and powerful, amongst other things, and although doing so made logical sense, just perpetuated how I felt, which makes me think of the following quote – what you resist is what will persist.